The Reconciliation Colloquium
by Beckyseyedoc
Summary: Amy and Sheldon agree to meet after episode 9x10 to discuss the issues surrounding the demise of their relationship after 8x24 and 9x1. Their steadfast love never died, but the strength of Sheldon and Amy's communication was damaged. Can the two of them find a way to move forward together? A story in mixed form: drabbles and prose combined.
1. Chapter 1

The Reconciliation Colloquium is a story in mixed form - the first and last will be a set of drabbles (100-words each; in my mind, free-form poetry), and the middle section prose. The first drabbles will set the scene; the latter ones close and give an inference toward what might happen afterwards.

This story presumes you are either spoiled for 9x10, or have watched it already. I am spoiled through 9x11, and it is on my heart that the events that unfold here must precede 9x11. I cannot imagine a significant discussion of some sort did not happen in those three weeks between (if we go by 9x10 occurring soon after Thanksgiving, and 9x11 on December 17th).

No ownership of these characters is either expressed or implied.

* * *

 _Chamomile tea… check,_ Amy thought.

 _Baked hot dog spaghetti in oven… check._

Amy surveyed the room... anything out of place? _Nothing._

 _Nothing except the fear inside…_

Last night, everything was right.

 _His arms holding me! So tight…_

 _Barely able to breathe… not_ _ **wanting**_ _to anymore!_

 _His kisses… my mouth… my neck…_

 _Sheldon… don't stop!_

 _But then,_ **I** _did._

" _Please… let's talk."_

 _Sheldon concurred, head downcast._

" _Tomorrow?" Amy asked, palm caressing his face. "I'll make dinner."_

 _Sheldon's hope-filled eyes. "6:00?"_

 _Amy nodded._

 _Front door handle turned… Sheldon looked back: "I love you."_

"I love you, too," Amy whispered to her memory.

* * *

5:58:00 pm.

Sheldon's fist raised, ready to knock…

 _Last night… Just on the other side…_

 _I told Amy_ _ **everything**_ _… And she wants_ _ **me**_ _!_

 _Her soft body melted to mine…_

 _Her mouth… her kisses… warm… inviting…_

 _I stopped. I was interrupting their evening._

 _Amy pulled me back… wanted_ _ **more**_ _…._

 _Oh, Dear Lord, I had almost forgotten…_

 _How this feels… how_ _ **she**_ _feels…_

 _Is this heaven?_

 _Then she stopped…_

" _Please… let's talk."_

 _My_ _ **heart**_ _stopped…_

 _We need to… but I'm really scared._

5:59:57…

 _I'm ready now… to fight for her._

5:59:58

 _For_ _ **us**_ _._

5:59:59

 _I love her._

6:00:00

[Knock. Knock. Knock.]

"Amy?"


	2. Chapter 2

[Knock. Knock. Knock.] "Amy?"

Amy's hand was growing steadily sweatier as she gripped the door knob, firmly holding the handle in place. It took every ounce of her energy not to move in spite of herself, as she knew it was too early to turn the knob.

 _Patience, girl_ , Amy thought, breathing in deeply to steady herself. _One more set of three…_

[Knock. Knock. Knock.] "Amy?"

Amy expired the breath from her lungs with a whoosh. She turned the knob deliberately, opening the door at as normal a pace as her racing heart would allow.

Amy looked up to face the immediate cause of her tachycardia. This man, Sheldon Lee Cooper, who had peaked her curiosity when they met in a coffee shop over half a decade ago. He had won her interest with his intellectual superiority to any other person (save, perhaps, herself), and his claims to be a homo novus (and therefore above all the emotional and physical needs of the lower humans). This man, who seemed everything Amy required in a partner of the mind, as she was initially of similar mindset in her lack of interest in romantic or corporal notions. This man... who had unintentionally but completely stolen her heart over the last five years, starting that very night in the coffee shop, over tepid water...

And then, by seemingly committing to everything else in his life before her... proceeded to draw and quarter that same precious organ, scattering the pieces of Amy's heart to the four furthest corners of the universe...

Sheldon stood before her: well dressed, wearing grey trousers in place of his typical khakis, and a black dress shirt and jacket. A tall and slender man, dark brown hair neatly combed, handsome features… including steel blue eyes that bore straight through her.

Steel blue eyes that made no attempt to hide anything this evening. They spoke openly of his own fears, and his own hopes… fears and hopes to match Amy's own.

For as much as Sheldon claimed to be a homo novus, he too had, over time, fallen prey to his own limbic system. Their intellectual symbiosis was unparalleled; Sheldon matched wits for the first time in his life with a true equal. Initially, each was flummoxed – a quick breakdown of communication led to hot heads and a flare of tempers that required his mother's intervention to bring them back together. Eventually Sheldon and Amy both learned to work together and learned from each other, first about matters of science, later about matters of the heart. Sheldon had fought valiantly against his own emotions initially, eventually losing the war and professing his love for her on the night of Prom. As the psychic had guided him only a year and a half prior to this night, "Everything will fall into place once you commit to her."

What Sheldon had deemed 'malarkey' that Thursday evening, had come to pass after all. He had been ready to make the ultimate commitment on the night of their fifth anniversary... a proposal of marriage... and it had all blown up in his face. Amy had left, not just that night, but left _him_...

And with that one final blow, Amy had cast Sheldon's heart, forever to burn in the fires of Mount Doom...

"Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler," Sheldon unintentionally repeated from their first meeting in the coffee shop. His smile was small but unforced; Sheldon was trying his utmost to maintain composure and not over-step. Within his brain, Sheldon battled against a tortuous series of waves of circuitous thoughts, all crashing ashore and threatening to pull him out to drown in the ocean.

Within his heart, all Sheldon wanted to do was sweep Amy into his arms, and return to their passionate kisses of the night before.

Sheldon looked down, diving deeply into the face of his beloved. He noticed Amy had given extra thought in preparing herself for this moment, and the effect was beyond anything he could have imagined. Amy's dress was a simple plum knee length A-line with short sleeves and a sweetheart neckline, but without her trademark bulky sweater. It appeared Penny and Bernadette had likely exerted their influence for this evening.

Amy had also allowed her friends to work their magic on her hair: typically flush against the side of her head, instead this evening her brunette tresses fell in fuller waves around her face. Amy never wore more than a modest amount of makeup; this night her eyeshadow matched the shade of her dress, setting her emerald eyes on fire. Sheldon also noted the lip gloss that he hated, as it made her lips quite slippery and challenging to hold onto in a kiss. Yet that shade was beckoning him to take the risk of sliding off the cliff anyway. He recognized immediately that there was no malice toward him in that decision – only Amy's desire to feel as good as possible about herself.

The total effect? Well, Sheldon always thought Amy was beautiful. In his heart, she needed no assistance of any kind to make her more so. Tonight, however… she was a flame, and he an eager moth. Sheldon could barely pull his eyes away from her. For that matter, however, Amy was a willing captive of his stare of undisguised longing.

The force of gravitation between two objects is defined in physics as being directly proportional to the mass of those objects, and inversely proportional to the distance between them. The physical force of gravitational attraction between Sheldon and Amy was infinitesimally small. But as great as that force can be... even that same force between planets and the sun at the very center of every orbit... even gravity itself would have held no candle to the unrelenting emotional forces drawing these two spirits toward one another.

Amy felt her feet move, seemingly under their own power, as she slid effortlessly into Sheldon's outstretched arms. She turned her head part way to the right, and with her left ear, listened to the noticeably rapid heartbeat within Sheldon's chest. Amy sighed softly and smiled knowingly… relishing the knowledge she was the cause of both the cardiac malady… and its ultimate return to normal rate and rhythm, as Sheldon lowered his chin to rest on the top of her head. Sheldon pulled Amy in close, and savored the warmth and softness of her within his grasp.

It was likely the two would have been content to stand together in that doorway to apartment 314 for hours… if they had not been so rudely interrupted by the harsh buzzing of the oven timer. Amy reluctantly pulled back from Sheldon's embrace, and smiled slightly sheepishly as she quietly acknowledged her unusual lapse of manners in this moment.

"Do you want to come in? Dinner is ready."

Sheldon leaned down and kissed Amy gently, before nodding his acceptance of her offer and following her inside the apartment. Sheldon's olfactory senses had already determined what was on the menu, and his salivary glands were running in overdrive. Amy knew this particular meal reminded him of happier days of his youth, and gave him much peace. Peace, she thought wisely, would likely be in short supply for them both before the night was through.

Amy had been as deliberate in readying the dining room table for this evening's meal, as she was in her own appearance. In the midst of the table was warm, fresh-baked French bread, complete with butter nearby, and a trivet ready for the entrée. The place settings were furnished with the beverage of choice… a small goblet of red wine next to a glass of water for Amy, and carafe of milk for Sheldon. And nearby to his glass…

Strawberry Quik. Not the powder; the syrup.

Amy closed the oven door and picked up the casserole dish from where she had placed it atop the stove. She turned in time to see Sheldon's eyes land on the familiar pink bottle. _Uh Oh…_ Amy thought.

"Sheldon, is that OK?" Amy asked, hesitantly. "I still have the canister of powder in the cupboard."

Sheldon motioned for Amy to set the hot dish on the table, momentarily rendered speechless by the caring concern evident in her voice. It appeared he was not alone in his desire that this evening should proceed "just right"…

Amy stalled, ever so briefly, after she set the dish down on the table. Amy was afraid of what she would see in Sheldon's gaze when she looked back upward at him. Sheldon touched Amy's cheek, and she leaned into the both warmth of his palm and its caress of her face. Amy dared to turn her glance in his direction, and what she saw there nearly stole her breath completely away.

Understanding. He knew how she felt.

And Hope… and Love…

Amy gathered herself in the surety of Sheldon's enveloping gaze. Amy innately knew what she needed to contribute to make this relationship, let alone this discussion, a success. What she had always had, ever since the very beginning, when their friendship had turned to something more. What had sustained her through Sheldon's seeming inability to express his own feelings, and during the times of trial… his self-imposed forty-five day railway journey of self-discovery, and more recently, her needing time away to reflect and renew her own spirit.

Faith.

Amy's faith had been the unbreakable cement that kept their bond tight, in spite of all the challenges she and Sheldon had faced over the last five years. For him… for _them_ … Amy could maintain that faith.

"Amy," Sheldon began. "The Strawberry Quik is fine… no, it's better than fine. The syrup was always better than the powder."

Amy's face reflected a long-held confusion, "Then why...?"

Sheldon's gaze shifted upward, as he searched for the right words. He needed her to understand that day so long ago. "It was only that switching to the syrup was a change." Sheldon's eyes finally came to rest back into Amy's own. "And everything in my life seemed to be changing, all at once. I couldn't control the changes that were happening - that was what bothered me then."

Sheldon grasped Amy's mitted hands with his own, and pulled them around him as he drew her in close. He could feel the warmth of the casserole dish in the mitts on the back of his shirt. Sheldon brought his right hand back to its previous position on Amy's face, stroking her cheek gently with his thumb.

"I'm not afraid of change, Amy. Not anymore."

Amy felt her heart's forceful beating in her chest. For Sheldon, even the notion of change had forever been something to be feared and avoided at all costs. Now, she knew, he was ready to change… and the only reason for his paradigm shift was her…

Amy leaned upward on her toes, silently thanking Sheldon with a kiss. The mitts fell from her hands to the floor, and Amy ran her hands up Sheldon's back, reveling in the feel of his taut muscles. Sheldon's hands found their way into Amy's hair, supporting her head from behind and maintaining this physical bond. Amy wanted to express not only gratitude for Sheldon's mental shift, but her undying will to support him through it. Sheldon, for his part, willingly responded to her unspoken espousal. There was nothing they could not accomplish, if they did it together.

When their kiss broke in mutual accord, Sheldon stepped back to hold Amy's chair out for her. She thanked him as she sat gracefully, and Sheldon took his own chair. The meal was held in a mutually comfortable near silence; only the few words necessary to the passing of food and approval of the cook's efforts were shared. Soon enough, the utensils were cleared to the dishwasher and the remainder of the food packed away.

Sheldon and Amy turned at the same time, finding themselves standing across from one another in the kitchen as the dishwasher started. Both knew the moment for a long-overdue discussion was at hand, but neither seemed ready to make the first move toward it.

Amy reached across and took Sheldon's hand in her own. "Let's sit in the living room, OK?"

Sheldon agreed, and stepped aside to allow Amy to pass. He filled the tea kettle from atop the stove, and turned on the burner to heat the water. Amy gave Sheldon the mugs she had already put chamomile tea bags inside, and left the kitchen. Sheldon took the moments waiting for the tea kettle to reach the boil to try to ready himself for the conversation at hand. A watched pot never boils... but this time, it seemed to boil in an instant.

When Sheldon met Amy in the living room, the room lights were out. A pair of candles were lit on the living room table, providing the necessary illumination to navigate about the room. Amy already sat on the far end of the pale tawny brown crushed fabric couch; Sheldon set the mugs on the coffee table and took his place beside and facing her.

And while there was _quiet_ … enough to hear the dishwasher change its cycle… there was no _peace_ in the room, or in either heart.

Sheldon decided to be the one to start. He turned to face the love and his fear inside of himself, and to face Amy. He found all his internal emotional struggle reflected back to him in Amy's own eyes.

"Amy," Sheldon gulped deeply as he dove head first into the murky water that was their relationship. "I told you last night, but I'll tell you again. I love you. I can't be without you. I wanted to tell you all these things back on our anniversary, but somehow everything went wrong and you left. Worse than that… was when you _really_ left me the day of Leonard and Penny's wedding. I don't understand how or why things changed so quickly." Sheldon stopped, fighting against the tears that had started to form.

Amy's heart tore in two within her own body, bleeding outwardly for the love she felt for Sheldon, knowing the pain she had caused him. But he had caused her pain, too, and that too deserved recognition…

"Sheldon," Amy took a deep breath. "I know that you love me. I think I knew even before you told me the night of prom. What I didn't know… is if you were _in_ love with me. If you weren't, after all this time…"

Sheldon's look toward Amy showed his great confusion. Amy reached across and took Sheldon's hands in her own.

"Sheldon, the difference... between loving, and being in love... it's everything. I love you, but I also love all our friends and my family as well. Being "in love" means you're making the complete commitment of yourself to the other person.

I was and am completely in love with you; I wanted to believe you were in love with me. But you've left me so many times, both physically and emotionally. You went on that trip a year ago last summer, without even so much as a goodbye. Earlier this year, you applied to go to Mars without me. I would have spent the rest of my life alone, if you'd had your way."

Sheldon tried to intervene, but Amy put her finger to his lips to stop him. Sheldon took the cue and sat back to listen further to her.

Amy continued. "I know, you changed the application later, but you still had made the decision initially to go without me, and I found out immediately after we had been out shopping for our first co-owned pet, Giuseppe. It reinforced to me what I suspected for a long time: I wasn't your first priority. I wasn't even sure I made the top ten."

Amy sighed. Her voice grew stronger as the weight long born within her lifted from her soul. Each frustration, each word of truth was finally given its due time in the light. "I fell behind seemingly everything else in your life in order of importance. Your career, your path to the Nobel, your Mother and MeeMaw… even behind your friends. Worst of all," Amy looked Sheldon directly in the eyes. He needed to know how much this meant. "On our anniversary, in rank of importance in your life, I finally understood I fell behind a comic book character on a television show. And with that realization, I lost hope."

Sheldon's face fell further with each word, but he was utterly devastated with Amy's admission of her loss of hope. Amy couldn't bear to continue to look at him anymore, as her heart's desire was fighting against her soul's need to be heard. Her heart cried out to take him here, on this couch… kiss him senseless… tell him that _it didn't matter and it never mattered and just forget I ever said anything… just don't look at me that way. Please._ Amy's heart silently exploded within her, barely able to maintain a normal rhythm.

But Amy's soul was in command. There would be no easy way out this time. _This time, Amy… you_ ** _will_** _be understood_ , Amy's spirit cried out within her.

The tears flowed. Amy looked downward to the hands that held her fast, watching her own hands shake in spite of Sheldon's firm grip as her tears struck against his skin. "I had given five years of my life to a hope that I finally realized the night of our anniversary would never come to pass. I loved you then, just as I loved you the day we met and I love you today. But I had to love _myself_ as well. I needed time to find out what I really wanted… what I was willing to compromise to, and what I was willing to give up entirely. But mostly, what was too important to relinquish, even an inch."

Sheldon passed Amy's left hand to join her right in his, and held both securely. He reached to the coffee table, and pulled a tissue from the box on the table's side. The tissue appeared quietly underneath her face, and Sheldon surrendered her grasp on Amy's hands to allow her to clear the outward expression of her broken heart and soul.

Amy wiped away the tears, blew her nose loudly, and helped herself to a second tissue. It appeared already it would be a long night.

"You wouldn't leave me be, even for the briefest time, to sort out the hurt within me," Amy started back up again, looking directly at Sheldon once more. "And then you struck at a raw nerve about my advancing age, and the likelihood of me having children. I know the numbers. I know the chances are getting smaller each and every year. Children... _our_ children... that's something I want in the long term; I need you to know that."

Sheldon nodded, both in his understanding, and urging Amy to continue.

"So I broke completely away from you, because I needed that time, and all it seemed you were capable of was wounding me when I was already hurting more than I could take. Our friends thought I needed to see what else was out there, to help me move past the pain of my decision. On their suggestion, I set up a few dates with three other guys, as you know."

Sheldon's heart constricted painfully within his own chest at the thought of Amy romantically involved with any other man. The attack was so sharp and sudden, he could no longer maintain his gaze with Amy. It was Sheldon's turn to allow a tear to escape and begin its devilish course, burning down the side of his cheek.

A soft hand gently brushed the tear aside and away. The pain stopped as the hand cupped his face in its gentle palm, lifting his gaze back to her own.

"But none of them could make me get over you," Amy whispered, both to his ears and to his heart. "You were always there; they were never good enough, never smart enough… never you." Amy smiled sweetly through her own tears. "Thanksgiving, when we went to the aquarium… I remembered why I was with you in the first place. Our games, the wonder of our discussions, our happiness in simply being together… I told you then. I missed that. What I didn't say, and I should have: I missed you. I missed us."

Amy sat back into the cushion. "And that night, I heard the hurt in your voice when you told me you couldn't get back together with me, because it hurt too much to break apart. I needed to respect that, no matter how much I wanted it to be different. So I tried again, calling Dave, but all I could do while he was here was think of you…

… and then you came, seemingly out of nowhere!" Amy's face grew as bright as a supernova. "I couldn't believe you were here, far less what you were saying. Then you kissed me… and if I couldn't trust your words in that moment, I knew I could have faith in your actions."

The brightness in Amy's face faded a little. "Sheldon, I have to know… now that the firestorm of hormones has subsided and your head is leading instead… where do I fit in? I won't settle for being last on your list of priorities anymore. I know I can't always be the first priority – your work, family, and friends have a place, too – but I need to be a priority in your life.

What is it that you want… from me, and for us?" Amy finished, reaching for Sheldon's hands and holding tight.

 _Everything,_ Sheldon thought, praying he was successful in steeling away his deepest, most cherished hope.

* * *

A/N: Next: There is plenty of blame to go around on both sides of this equation… Blame, yes… but love also.

Amy gets the answer she seeks, but Sheldon is owed his own answers, too. See you for the next chapter!

Thank you, as ever, for your time to read this story, and share your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Sheldon knew he had to tell Amy how much she meant to him, but he needed to do it in his own way. He couldn't let her see it in his face... not just yet...

"Amy, I need you. You understand me in ways no one else ever has, or can now, and you love me in spite of everything we've been through. But I need you to be completely honest with me. And I don't think you have always been."

Sheldon looked up into Amy's face, and saw the shock in her eyes. He didn't think he could have hurt her worse if he'd physically slapped her, and that distressed Sheldon more than anything Amy had said. He, too, was met with a moment where his heart wanted to just kiss it all away… but not now. Amy needed to know everything.

"Amy, this is the first time you've truly shared all your hurt feelings with me. I know you shared them with Penny; she told me after she and Leonard came back from their wedding that you'd been considering leaving for a while. I knew I wasn't always easy to work with… but I didn't know I had been a _bad_ boyfriend."

Sheldon couldn't look at Amy anymore, and focused on their joined hands instead. This time, it was Amy who held tightly in spite of Sheldon's shaking, and not a few of Sheldon's tears that dampened their physical connection.

"I may have superior intelligence in so many things, but in the one that matters more than anything, I am nothing." Sheldon whispered. Amy gasped at Sheldon's admission, and then regained her composure.

"You are everything, Sheldon," she corrected him, squeezing his hands tightly in hers. "Everything to me. Don't you know that?"

"No," Sheldon admitted, as he lifted his head to look directly at her once again. The tears abated, and Sheldon was able to speak the crucial truth. "I know I've hurt you, so many times, but I don't know when it happens that I've done it. I know I'm hard to live with; Leonard and Penny will speak to that. I know I'm harder to love – you can tell me that for yourself."

Sheldon continued. "But for some reason… you don't. You've carried it inside of yourself, until you had to unload all your hurt to someone. Instead of me, when we could have worked through whatever I had done to upset you, you chose your friends.

I don't know when we stopped being able to talk, Amy, but it happened. And when your hurt became too much for you to take, and your talking to Penny and Bernadette wasn't helping anymore... you left. You left... and I didn't understand why..."

Sobs wracked Sheldon's body as the tears ran down his face in a torrent. It was the first time Sheldon had truly and fully allowed anyone else to see the toll losing Amy had taken. Amy lunged forward and pulled Sheldon forcibly into her arms. She felt his body shaking in his grief, and wondered how she could possibly pull him back from the dungeon his despair had drug him to...

"I tried everything, Amy," Sheldon sobbed into her hair. "I tried talking to you, but it always came out wrong or you wouldn't listen. I didn't know how to make things right again; everything I said only seemed to make it worse. Then you said we were through...

When you started dating other people, Howard and Raj talked me into trying to date someone else, also."

Amy stiffened; her pale complexion blanched stark white. She'd heard about the incident at the bar, where Sheldon had under the effect of less than one beer had hit on a couple of people, who turned him down outright. But she hadn't known the guys had convinced him to continue looking.

The same feelings that Sheldon experienced when he heard Amy had been dating, and had been given time to process… Amy was suddenly hit with those emotions head-on, and with full force. The torment was evident on her face.

Sheldon missed Amy's initial reaction; he leaned backward, escaping from her embrace. Sheldon nearly laughed out loud at the memory of the combined intellectual prowess of Howard, Raj, and himself, in finding Sheldon a potential date. "It was a marvelous plan, Amy. We set up an on-line puzzle the other party would have to solve in order to find me... a riddle... they'd have to understand math, physics, Middle Earth from Tolkien, and Star Trek, to find my apartment."

Amy smiled, in spite of herself. It sounded perfectly like Sheldon.

"When the doorbell finally rang... well, I hoped. I hoped it would be you.

I opened the door, and a perfectly nice girl stood on the other side of the doorway. And the plan had worked. Vanessa was everything I could want in an intellectual companion..."

Amy's heart dropped through the floor.

"And I let her go. I told her it was a shame; she was ten seconds too late. But that was only part of the truth.

She was everything I had asked for in the ad, Amy... But she wasn't you."

Amy fully understood. Dave had been perfectly lovely (OK, maybe a little odd, but who wasn't), and perfectly suited to her... but he wasn't Sheldon.

Sheldon continued. "When you and I went together to the aquarium for dinner on Thanksgiving, I felt like time had turned backward. It felt like we were where we had always been... friends first..."

Amy vividly remembered their journey that day. The car ride to the aquarium, where the openness of their communication was restored. No subject was off the table, and complete honesty ruled the day.

Later, after dinner, they walked around the tanks, and created with one of their own games, this time about the fish. Most importantly, the phoenix of their friendship had risen from the ashes. The mythical creature's beautiful multi-hued wings glistened in the streaming sunlight; her cry of joy rang clear as a chorus of angels. And at the time, while Amy rejoiced that she and Sheldon had regained their intellectual bond in their short time together, something else deep inside her cried out for more...

Sheldon remembered, too... Amy had called that evening, after dinner with her mother. Amy wanted to return to their previous relationship - to go back to where they were before the break. It took everything Sheldon had within him, but he denied her. What if another break happened, and the next time, there was no chance of a reconciliation? There was only so much pain his heart could take - it had been so hard the first time - and Sheldon wasn't certain he could survive it again.

"Amy, I learned something important Thanksgiving morning in the car. When you told me about the three men you dated... I know you must have had opportunity, but you hadn't slept with any of them.

This break-up was never about coitus for you, was it?"

Amy shook her head, sadly. "No, Sheldon, it never was," was Amy's soft reply. "It was always about..."

"Commitment." Sheldon finished for Amy. He took her hands in his own, and held her gaze without wavering.

"Amy, I said "No" to returning to our relationship to you that night because I didn't know if I could survive another breakup between us. The pain was too great. I thought it would have been better to be alone than hurt like that... It would be safer for us to remain only friends...

Then, three days ago, I heard a song on the radio that continuously replayed inside my head all day. I knew the song, but I couldn't remember the lyrics or the name. Yesterday, it finally clicked which song was in an infinite loop in my brain: The Beach Boys were singing "Darlin,'" and it was like the song's lyrics were speaking to me..."

The song Sheldon heard had become an 'ear-worm,' a message that burrowed itself like a parasite through the ridges of Sheldon's grey matter. Instead of inflicting harm, however, this helminth sought a reawakening of the love Sheldon guarded deep within his heart.

"...and wouldn't let go. I thought I was going crazy. I started a video series to chronicle my demise. But then I looked up the lyrics on line. And I finally knew what was happening... all that was in front of me, all that I stood to lose."

Amy looked down, unable to control the pounding of her heart, knowing what had happened between the two of them in this room, only one day ago... how much she had stood to lose, too, if things had gone differently...

A warm, strong hand lifted her face by the chin, to restore their visual connection. He smiled into her soul.

"Amy, the Beach Boys told me what I already knew: You make me a better person. You've done more than support me in everything I want in life. You soften my hard edges, and help me to understand other people. You taught me to love someone else more than I love myself… you."

Amy's heart soared once again at Sheldon's protestation of love for her. _It always feels as special as that first time on the night of Prom_ , Amy reflected, basking in the warm glow of the memory.

"Amy, I told you the other night that getting over you was something I wasn't good at. It was only a partial truth. I'm not good at getting over you, that's true. But the complete truth, is that I never did." Sheldon finally admitted his full heart into evidence. And Amy accepted it with a grateful smile.

"I more than need you… I want you. I love you. I am committed to you, and to our relationship together."

Sheldon breathed deeply, allowing this revelation to settle within both Amy and himself. "But if we're going to continue together, I need to you help me in this as well. We can't go back to where we were before our anniversary, or history could repeat itself.

I need you to tell me when you're upset with me and why. I can't guess, Amy… it's another thing I'm not very good at. You're going to have to be honest with me, so we can work through whatever we have to face."

Sheldon was quiet for a moment, and Amy pondered a truism she hadn't considered. _I thought by keeping some of the things that hurt me to myself, I wouldn't scare him... But they built up, and my silence nearly ruined us…_ she thought.

Amy pulled Sheldon's hands forward and placed them on her hips. Once secured, she slowly but deliberately ran her hands up Sheldon's arms and around his neck. Amy leaned forward, gently falling flush against his chest, to hold him close as she whispered in his ear.

"I promise, Sheldon. I promise to love you, and to help you as I can. And I promise to share with you when I'm hurt, so that we can learn together. You are my everything. I am committed to making this relationship work for us both."

Sheldon's breath left him, and he wrapped his arms around Amy's waist. His heart had hurt for such a long time that Sheldon nearly didn't believe he would ever be this happy again. Joy enveloped his heart, and the warmth spread throughout his chest... it was a moment before Sheldon trusted himself to answer Amy's vow.

"I promise to try to be better for you, Amy... to be the boyfriend you deserve. I promise to always love you. But I won't promise to make you a priority."

Amy startled immediately, and pulled away, sitting upright. This time, Sheldon saw Amy's anguish plain on her face. But Sheldon knew without being told what was wrong. It had been intended... he needed her full attention, and Sheldon had it without question. Sheldon's heart needed to speak for itself, and this time, did so without hesitation.

"You can't be only _a_ priority… not when you are _the_ priority in my life.

Science, my career, the Nobel... none of it matters, Amy. Not if you're not there to share it with me."

Amy's face softened, and Sheldon leaned in toward her.

The voracity of Sheldon and Amy's kisses the night before clamored of unexpressed passion inside each of them. And there would be time for kisses of their like again.

This time, there was no rush to coming together.

Sheldon reached forward to touch Amy's face, caressing her cheek with the palm of his hand. He wondered, as he had countless times in the past and would innumerable times to come, at the radiance within her deep green eyes. The brilliance of her rekindled joy shown within them. He drew closer to her...

Amy watched with amazement as the smile that only started in his mouth extended upwards across Sheldon's face... a natural, unforced smile that graced all his features, incorporating the deepening ocean blue eyes that Amy would willingly drown within. And Amy held her breath with anticipation as he closed the distance between them...

The first kiss was as soft and ephemeral as the touch of an angel's wings. Sheldon's heart sang as he remembered the feeling this brought within his heart, and finally knew would be his for all time. He leaned back ever so slightly, opening his eyes again, seeking permission...

Amy opened her eyes. Sheldon saw all that he needed to see, just one more time. Wordlessly, permission was granted.

It was Amy's turn to raise her hand to Sheldon's face. She reveled in the warmth of the touch of his skin, the softness of his cheek, and the dampness of the tears that remained on his cheeks from earlier. One trail she wiped free with her fingertips... then Amy had a better idea.

She kissed Sheldon on his cheek, tasting the saline of his tears. Amy trailed both sides of his face with her gentle lips, and Sheldon closed his eyes and sighed happily. Both Sheldon and Amy understood her kisses both cleared away his tears, and sealed away the pain they had caused each other.

Sheldon waited as patiently as he could for Amy, but there was only so much Sheldon could take. Once Sheldon knew what he wanted...

Sheldon took his first opportunity to grasp Amy's hands and pull them back around his neck. He leaned forward, his lips finding their match in Amy's own. Amy gave no hesitation, opening her mouth to allow his open exploration of her. Sheldon, for his part, brooked no delay in taking the opportunity...

There was an extended enjoyment of each other, of the sensation of mouths, tongues, and even breath joining together. And each reveled in the moment, that it should be so. This time, their kisses carried a seal of the promises and commitments made in this evening, and each a pledge to the other and toward their shared future.

Seemingly ages passed; the tea had gone cold, and the hour was later than either expected. Amy offered to take Sheldon home, but he knew he could catch the last bus if he left soon, which was preferable to Amy driving home alone. Amy walked to meet Sheldon at the door, as he put his arm through the sleeve of his coat.

"Text me when you get home, OK?" Amy asked.

Sheldon nodded, drawing Amy in for one last hug before they parted for the night.

"Your birthday is coming in 18 days," Sheldon stated, simply.

In spite of everything that had passed this evening, Amy was a little startled. Sheldon was never one to make a to-do about a birthday, particularly someone else's.

"Yes. Why?" she answered.

"May I take you out to dinner? Someplace nice? Just the two of us this time. I promise."

"That sounds wonderful," Amy sighed as she basked in the warmth of his arms.

Sheldon leaned over, kissing Amy on the top of her head. She looked up at him, meeting his lips once more. Then Amy let him free.

"Good night," she said softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Sheldon replied, and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Epilogue... in Drabble form...

Front door closed…

Amy's hands ran over door: his body heat might transfer through

Air heady with scent of talc

And for the first time in months, Amy's heart felt whole.

He Loved her… Hope for the future…

And Faith renewed in what their future held.

Amy walked half-stunned to her bedroom, so many changes over this last day

Dressed for bed: soft cotton nightgown

Performed her evening care

Climbed between sheets, underneath blankets

Amy closed her eyes… breathing gentle, heart secure

Dreaming of the man she loved

And a day she would wake to find him beside her.

* * *

Front door closed…

Sheldon unwilling to release handle

Amy's warm scent pervasive throughout olfactory nerves

For the first time in months, Sheldon's heart felt whole.

She Loved him… Hope for the future…

And Faith renewed in what their future held.

Sheldon arrived home; key in dish

Wandered semiconscious to bedroom

Changed for bed: Sunday flannel

Bathroom regimen complete

Climbed between sheets

Sheldon settled, closed eyes… then lids snapped open

A new change entered his mind... was he ready?

For her, he _would_ be

Tomorrow to formulate plan

Eyes closed again

Dreamed of a morning he would wake… with Amy in his arms.

* * *

Darkness… silence...

Deep within locked wall safe near door

Heavenly light glowed from dark blue velvet box

Many years, many hands… But She is one this stone will cherish

Soon to be released from prison, finding promised hand of newest owner

She who has been and always will be loved

Light seeps through smallest cracks in wall, illuminates desk

Figurine of an ugliest creature… with greatest faith

Stirs, grimacing in presence of light

This jewel calls to him, as another ring of old

" _My Precious"_ he breathes into night air

No one hears

Gollum still again for time to come.

* * *

A/N: Many thanks to the masters, literary and musical, whose works give us inspiration… to those from whom I borrowed here, both knowingly and unintentionally… I pledge my gratitude.

Many more thanks to you, the reader. Your participation in this creativity process is critical. Your feedback gives us writers the motivation to continue. Your gift of your time is precious. So please accept my appreciation.


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